I failed the test

Ram Dass:  You'll know just how spiritual you are at your next family gathering.

FAIL or Divine Perfect Order

You would think that after 35 years on a dedicated spiritual path that I could figure this family thing out.  NOT.  I was triggered by every trigger possible.  Although I arrived at Mom's house for Thanksgiving in relatively high vibrations, by evening I was a complete mess.  I had lost my footing and lost my center.  On top of that I directed the anger inside, chastising myself for not doing a better job.  I really lost my way in one single night........and the next night too and today will be round three.

We have family visiting from out of town and my presence is required.  Why, I don't know.  The family punching bag?  Seems all the focus has been on me.........oh, could be I carry too much light and this could be the attraction?  I tried, really tried to pull my energy in.

I have been independent since age 18.  Always took care of myself, my son and life's daily responsibilities,  until ascension brought me to my knees.  I lost everything.  My family called it mid-life crisis, I on the other hand know that my soul took me through a dark night experience and I came out the other end - house foreclosed, bankruptcy, business failed and physically ill.  I was so ill that I needed my family to come get me and literally take care of me aka financially support me for six months while I pulled myself together.  Which never really happened, I've been treading.  

Treading = Surviving

My Mom divulged my entire life to the two cousin's who are visiting, although we're close I wasn't expecting that they were aware of the minute details of my life.  Our conversations verged on them quite bullying me.  So, why can't you get your shit together?  Why don't you do this or that? Why didn't you plan for your future? This is all coming from my Mom's concern for me ........I'm so trying to get clarity on all this.  Needless to say I feel like shit and not looking forward to round three.  Let's also throw in my Mom's betrayal.........oh yes, it feels like that to me.

So, there you have it and I'm looking forward to crawling right back into my cocoon when the family leaves today!